Bullying - One Kid - Man's Tale

I still remember the day like yesterday. It was 40 years ago, but that day would have a profound impact on my life.

I grew up in an atmosphere wherein bullying was just another day at school, and I learned to always be vigilant against surprise attacks. One time, after almost reaching home while taking back-yards and the like all the way, I was brazenly sucker punched by my tormentor, hidden around the corner of a house directly across from mine, after I was sure I was home. This particular kid had a crazy kind of laugh and look that scared us 'regular" kids and it was rumoured his father was an alcoholic who routinely beat up the mom and would pitch the kids in fist fights against each other for amusement. I found out later he  was also medically drugged, thus the crazy laugh etc. A lot of the 'problem kids" were it seemed, mostly all boys, and they were terrors. It got so bad, I used to have "fly dreams" where I'd get away by flying off  just before anyone reached me.

Our public school even brought in a strict male teacher specifically to deal with the rampant fights and violence that seemingly broke out, daily for sure, often in multiples. I recall physical fights between this taskmaster, Mr Motiar, and the tough drugged kids with problems and he would make them submit - sometimes rolling across the classroom floor as he fought to control the person. This, from about grade 4 or 5 on, and these out of control 'kids" obviously had no regard for order in class with adults present so imagine the pandemonium they could cause on the way home.

Of course I could fight alright, I had to, but against some of the bigger, more, "nutbar" kids, as we called them, and older ones, I had my limits. That's where my speed came in handy, being able to out- run most, even older kids, but mostly you were expected to stand up to a challenge regardless, often taking a licking. But, being smaller, if I won they looked bad, so I did have some chance of survival!

In grade 8 it all came to a crescendo. Mr Mortiar, was now towered over by some, and, in fact, invented a board game and moved on leaving a gaping hole. By then, physical contact including corporal punishment was abolished as well, leaving an over-matched staff and Principal used to being able to dish it out. I recall class being so bad at least one teacher left citing a breakdown and still another just up and quit. It was like Welcome Back to my Nightmare Kotter without happy endings. Especially on this day.

For some reason I got another cruel blow that year when puberty seemed to forget me. Whilst most of my classmates were changing - voices, heights, hair etc, I was yet to show. Even kids that were once much shorter than I was were now taller and bigger which was an embarrassment at the time, compounded when the class bullies demanded I fight another...for their amusement.

According to them, something had been said during class the the bullies jumped on, making it sound as if a "diss" had occurred, and that I had to resolve it with the other guy or face them. Both were man-sized, with one having failed twice and on a prove himself a tough-guy tear...We were just their latest entertainment. I didn't want to fight but had no choice, a boy did not back down from a fight or he was a coward and could never face anyone again. My stomach was tied in knots as the clock ticked towards 4.....the bullies pointing at the clock and taunting when the teacher wasn't looking...or...at this point...pretended not to. Tick...tick..

I delayed the "terror walk" as long as I could, having been there before. Regardless of how many times, you always get nervous before a fight, but this one was different, If I lost I looked bad losing to someone who'd been considered very weak until recently, someone dying to prove his new-found puberty muscles were no flukes, and me, I was the perfect sacrifice.

I walked out the back doors of the school, the frenzied group already positioning me into the middle, excitedly, yelling, " Fight! Fight!", many urging my opponent on to kill me,

Kill Him! Kill Him!

As I grappled with my opponent, I gave it my all but was unable to gain an upper hand. It was surreal, out of an episode of Twilight Zone or something, almost in a frenzied slow motion, as some now former friends urged him to kill me as well. People laughed and squealed, like in horrors as we fought...I recall looking up from a hold I was unable to wriggle from, more free shots hitting me than him, feeling completely demoralized.... and in front of all the girls too...another boys worst nightmare.

...Any esteem I'd had, I lost that day.
 I'd never felt so alone than in that very moment.

I don't recall how long we went but it was awhile, broken up eventually by a teacher as I was taunted and ridiculed for having "lost" in some eyes, and, although I understand now that some of my classmates' behaviour was due to peer pressure at the time,  some even apologising, I will still never forget. That day, combined with some other then-variables in my life, sent me spiraling to a place where it very well could have ended tragically...and very nearly did.

Today you add the internet to the mix and you have another form - just as emotionally devastating.
Bullying can and does have short and long term affects too, with the teen years being most crucial as somewhat demonstrated in my short film, Shoots, Scores.

End bullying now - At home, at school, on the streets, on-line, and through legislation.

TP out.